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Upper St. Clair, Pennsylvania
Parenting Tips For Teen Parties
When your teen is going to a party | When your teen is hosting a party
When Your Teen Is Going to a Party
These tips also apply to before and after activities for a formal dance. While going to dinner and a formal dance may be alcohol and drug free, other activities may not. For example, coming back to an unsupervised home for picture taking prior to the start of a formal dance is an invitation for problems.
- Establish a clear position on alcohol and drug use -
If you have not already done so, discuss your family position on drugs and the consequences of not following these established guidelines with your teen. Be sure the consequences are something you can and will enforce. Discuss how they plan to deal with various situations that could arise at parties and how to make smart choices.
- Don't pressure kids to attend parties they do not want to go to -
Your teen may have good reasons for not wanting to go. They may know that alcohol and drugs will be present, but they are not willing to tell you.
- Get details on the party -
Discuss your children's celebration plans in advance with them, including pre and post activities and how they'll be getting home from the party. For school events, discuss the school rules and consequences for violating the rules. Get the address and phone number of the host of the party or pre and post activities. Make sure that you are informed of any changes in plans or location of activities.
- Call the host's / participants' parents -
Before giving permission to attend a party, speak to the host's parents. Make sure the party will have adult supervision and that no alcohol or drugs will be allowed. For formal dances, that involve pre or post activities such as dinner, picture taking, call the other teens' parents to confirm plans.
- Establish a curfew -
Set a time when you expect your teen to arrive home and make sure they make their arrival known to you. Require a call home for any delay. You may want to establish a check-in time with your teen during the party. This gives the teen an out if problems are occurring.
- Taking your teen to the party -
When taking your teenager to a party, wait to see that he or she is inside the home. If you do not know the parents take a moment to introduce yourself. This is especially important if last minute changes occurred and you were not able to talk with the parents hosting the party.
- Limousine -
Some families pool funds to hire a limousine to drive their teens to dinner, the prom and the after-prom party. Don't leave the hiring to your teen. Make the arrangements yourself and make it clear that the driver is to make no stops other than those you've pre-authorized. Ask what measures the drivers take to prevent the limousine from becoming a place for kids to drink. For example, some drivers require that kids' bags be placed in the trunk. Don't allow your teens to take beverage containers into the limousine.
- Hotels -
It is recommended to not rent hotel rooms for prom-goers. But, some proms are held at hotels. It's not uncommon for teens to use private suites in the hotel for after-prom parties. In general, hotels don't rent to minors so they need a parent's involvement. A parent, whose credit card is used, is liable for damages which can be considerable if a party gets out of hand. Don't let your child attend a hotel party unless you know and trust the chaperones or are chaperoning yourself.
- Make it easy for your teenager to leave a party -
Provide your child with phone numbers where you can be reached throughout the evening. If there is drinking or drug taking or any other reason that your teen wishes to leave the party, make arrangements so that your teen can call you or another designated adult who will pick them up. Urge your teen NEVER to ride with a driver who has been drinking or using drugs. Establish a code word or sentence that your child can use when they want you to say "NO" in front of friends. For example: Use the code words "My throat hurts". When a parent hears, "Mom, I'm having a great time. My throat hurts but I really want to stay longer.", the child means he/she wants the parent to say "No" to the request he/she is making.
- Coming home -
Always be up to greet your teen when he or she returns home from a social gathering. Talk to your teen when they come home. This gives you the opportunity to detect any problems and lets your teen know you care about them.
When Your Teen Is Hosting a Party
- Set ground rules -
Establish the rules with your teen before the event. Make sure they know how you intend on chaperoning.
- Chaperoning -
- Greet all guests at the door and beware of guests who arrive more than half an hour late. Guests should be by invitation only. Do not allow party crashers to stay.
- Do not allow kids to come and go. They may leave to drink and then want to return.
- Do not allow open containers of sodas or other beverages to be brought into the home. Provide all refreshments. An innocent looking bottle of water may be filled with vodka.
- Be at home and visible during the entire party. Invite other adults to help supervise.
- Uphold the law – NEVER allow minors to have access to alcohol in your homes. Lockup up or remove any easily obtained alcohol.
- Recognize signs of alcohol or other drug use and immediately notify parents of teens who arrive under the influence to assure that they get safe, supervised transportation home.
- Avoiding unwanted parties -
Establish a clear agreement with neighbors concerning unwanted parties. If they have a reasonable suspicion that a teen alcohol party is occurring on the premises, have them contact an adult in your household. If no adult is present, have the neighbor call law enforcement. Make sure your teen knows you have an arrangement with neighbors concerning parties.